Carry On Killing

To Carlisle Library for their Mid-Summer Murder event, where I am to give a talk and sign a few books. These things are terrifying, because you never know who - if anybody - is going to show up. I have visions of a cosy one-to-one with some bloke in an anorak.

Fortunately the organisers have rustled up a dozen or so hapless souls, who listen intently as I give them the spiel about my books and my previous life as a tabloid hack. As usual, it's the latter that interests them most - so I ditch my notes and keep them entertained with stories about Sam Fox and space aliens.

One old dame, named Beryl, thinks I am "a very funny lad, who likes a laugh." She wonders if I have any plans to write a "funny book". She even has a title: Carry On Killing.

I promise to mention it to my editor.